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Location: Minnesota, United States

A Blog on Minnesota and National politics, religion, news, and life.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Texans Will Sleep Better Tonight

I recieved this letter in an email a few days ago, those silly Texans.

Texans, you have got to love them. Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union. (Reference the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848). We Texans love y'all, but we'll have to take action if Kerry wins over Bush. We'll miss you too. Texas has given all those complainers plenty of time to get used to the results of the last election. After seeing the whiners along the campaign route, the folks from Texas are considering taking matters into their own hands. Here is what will happen:

#1: If John Kerry becomes President of the United States, Texas will immediately secede from the Union.

#2: George W. Bush will become the President of the Republic of Texas.

So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?

1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. We will control the space industry.

2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States.

3. Defense Industry--we have over 65% of it. The term "Don't mess with Texas, will take on a whole new meaning.

4. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that.

5 Natural Gas - again we have all we need and it's too bad about those northern states. John Kerry will figure out a way to keep them warm...

6. Computer Industry - we currently lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications--small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel, Alcatel, etc, etc. The list goes on and on.

7. Medical Care - We have the largest research centers for cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world, as well as other large health centers. Dallas has some of the best hospitals in the United States.

8. We have enough colleges to keep us going: University of Texas, Texas A M, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, University of Houston, Baylor, UNT (University of North Texas), Texas Women's University, etc. Ivy grows better in the South anyway.

9. We have a ready supply of workers. We could just open the border when we need some more.

10. We have essential control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.

11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an Army, but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an Army in 24 hours if we need one. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call the Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over Chuck Norris and a couple of Texas Rangers.

12. We are totally self-sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs, and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables, and let's not forget seafood from the Gulf. Also, everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food.

This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have. Now to the rest of the United States under President Kerry: Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Kerry will be able to drive around in his big 9 mpg SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes. You won't have any TV as the Space Center in Houston will cut off satellite communications. You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes, but since Mr. Kerry has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas.

Signed, The People of Texas

P.S. This is not a threatening letter - just a note to give you something to think about...BEFORE YOU VOTE THIS NOVEMBER. SLEEP WELL TONIGHT